Can we be too open?

Here’s a topic I’ve wrestled with a lot. I say I’ve wrestled… what I mean by that is I’ve spent a lot of time justifying my openness to those that love me. You see, many of my loved ones think I show too much, think too much… then by default, say too much. I’ve wrestled because inside, I’m just saying and showing what I see, think, feel. So the question that has to be asked… when is the line between openness and privacy/behind closed doors crossed? Damned if I know! But let’s explore it anyway.

For me, the first port of call (and the most difficult) is that thing they call instinct. Believe me, this thing has got me into all sorts of trouble! Acting instinctively comes with its issues for sure. If your instinctive reaction affects you and only you, well that’s plain sailing. But the second that reaction relies on the reactions of others… well, it’s no longer your instinct. It’s your instinct relying on someone else having the same gut feeling. Oh dear, it’s confusing to write… Never mind to experience! We all perceive things differently, and all those perceptions are our own realities. Each and everyone of us. So it’s no wonder conflict arises when one person perceives some information as too much, while someone else just doesn’t. Just yesterday I was met with a ‘too much information’ comment. My response (damn that instinct!) ‘No such thing’.

Then there’s another issue. People who believe that others thrive on people’s weaknesses. Some of my nearest and dearest fall into this catergory. And I don’t disagree entirely! In fact, I love that they look out for me and keep my eyes open to that reality. Oh, and guess what, I have been burned by people doing exactly what my nearest and dearest have warned! The downside to openness is that everyone knows what you’re all about and should people choose to take advantage of that… well, you’re wide open to it! However, why should you become someone different and attempt to wrap yourself in cotton wool to protect yourself from others? I know if I’d done that, I’d have missed out on so many great people, missed some pretty special bonds and relationships, and likely missed out on a whole load of fun too! My ‘too much information’ stance has lead me to many of my favourite people in the world. So instead of changing who we are, why can’t we just change our mindsets and learn to deal with the bad only if it happens.

Now obviously, there are inevitably things you don’t need to tell the world. I’m well aware this contradicts my earlier no such thing as too much information statement. But let me defend it with this. While I may not tell the world absolutely everything, it doesn’t mean I haven’t had some rather cringeworthy conversations over the years with the people I’m proud to call my circle.

So that I guess brings me to what I think is the answer to can we be too open? I really think, as long as you know your boundaries (toilet habits on a first date might be too much 😉), you can’t be. Everybody we meet deserves the real YOU. Because that’s how true bonds are created. That’s where you find the ones that really matter. And yes, the odd rogue may slip through the net and granted, it’s not the nicest feeling. But hey, you get over it because you have to. On the flip side, the times you can turn to people when you need them, because they really know you, just because you’ve been nothing but the real you, far outweighs those little blips.

So don’t be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s the sign of a big heart. And with a big heart, IF you need it, they’ll always be someone to help break the fall.

Laters lovelies xx

Surround yourself with lovers, not haters

When you really pay attention and notice the energy that is wasted on negativity, I find it quite phenomenal. It takes so much more energy to fight than it does to love (not to mention it feels quite rubbish to boot!) Yet somehow, we fall into the same trap every time and keep allowing the negative vibes to flow. Why do we do it to ourselves? Never one to shy away from uncomfortable questions, it felt like a good time to try and explore this a little.

See I believe we all deserve to be loved, we all deserve respect, we all deserve to have a tribe of people that unconditionally believe in us and our abilities. And yes, of course, these things are all earned. But if we’re good people, who love, respect and believe unconditionally in others, then its perfectly reasonable to expect the same be granted in return.

Now thankfully, I’m pretty sure we all have these beautiful things around us in our friends and families. But I’m also pretty sure we all also have at least a degree of the opposite. Those people that want to focus on everything that’s wrong, that don’t respect you, that want you to stop believing in yourself. And somehow that minority gets a lot of time and energy. And I think it’s time we extinguished that energy and just left them to it! A fire can only burn if you provide it with the oxygen after all.

Now to be clear, saying enough is enough doesn’t necessarily need to be a big dramatic stomp away! It could just be a slight shift in your own mindset. Let me elaborate. Say you have a friend, and that friend loves and cares about you a lot. BUT they think you’re making a mistake with your latest venture. They’ve briefly googled all the reasons why they’re right. They’ll highlight the mistakes you’ve made that also prove they are right. They’ll encourage you to rethink your choice at every opportunity. Yes, it does come from a place of love and protection but this is still a negative energy. Now you’ll react in one of two ways (maybe even both). You’ll defend and fight and have all the counter arguments you can muster ready as your ammunition. Or you’ll allow just a little bit of self doubt to chip away at you. Blow by blow. Now add up all that wasted energy. From both sides. That serves neither of you.

So what about a different approach? The slight shift. Give that friend the respect to be honest. Thank them and appreciate them for loving you, for wanting to protect you. But ask them to grant you the same respect by agreeing to disagree. Suddenly you’ve freed up a whole load of energy for both of you. You’ve strengthened the relationship by taking the problem out of the equation. And I bet that friend will, from there on in, be your biggest secret admirer rooting for you to do what you set out to do. My money is on them being the first to congratulate your successes too. And you didn’t even have to walk away.

Now unfortunately, sometimes, walking away is all you can do. Sometimes the negativity will come from a place that isn’t love. A dark place that will not be there to help you grow. I don’t want to dwell on this for too long… but when you have this in your life, somehow you just know. And it takes strength to accept it and shut it down. In that scenario, you have to walk away. Because if you surround yourself in too much of this, eventually your dreams and goals will just be a distant memory of what you used to be.

So back to the original point I wanted to make. You will have plenty of positive people all around and I’d encourage you to cherish them, enjoy them, be grateful that they’re there. You’ll have plenty of people that care but inadvertently bring a sprinkle of the bad stuff and this is where you shift your thinking and dispel the negativity. And you might end up having to walk away occasionally because the damage if you don’t is too catastrophic. But remember everything is a choice, and you choose who’s around you.

A smile is contagious 😊 A frown is too 😔 Laughter is contagious 🤪 Anger can be too 😡

Choose your people wisely ❤️

Laters lovelies 😘

Stay true. To you and your product…

So if you’re ever told building a business is easy, my advice would be don’t be caught up in an unrealistic illusion of real life. A real sustainable business isn’t easy. If it was, everyone would be doing it! But equally, it doesn’t mean the path to getting to fully fledged, successful business owner can’t be fun too. But so many people give up at the first hurdle and I just wanted to reach out to anyone considering giving up… please keep going, keep being you and stay loyal to what made you go for it in the first place!

Let me elaborate on what’s got me thinking this time, what made me want to ramble on again (you know by now I just can’t help myself!)

With so many different companies in our industry, it’s so super important to choose a product that a) you like b) you’ll use and c) you’d be happy to recommend to those that you care about the most. There are so many strategies for building a successful business, and in time you’ll find the way that works for you. But at the heart of it should always be your product and you need to whole heartedly believe in them.

You need to work with people that inspire you. The people around you are key, especially in the early days. You will rely on their guidance, advice and energy so if you’re not clicking with someone, chances are you’re going to make your journey to success a whole lot harder than it needs to be by working with them. Harsh I know. And there may be some backlash to make such a statement. But I do actually believe it’s a truth that can’t be avoided 😬

Always give people time. Remember, when you start the people around you have absolutely no idea how serious you are, no idea about your products, no idea if you have the staying power to see it through. Only time will prove that to everyone so staying true to yourself and your products is the single biggest thing you can do to create a loyal customer base. Followed very closely by the full circle of being patient and giving it time. People will only take you seriously if you show them you’re serious.

I think you have to be really honest with yourself and even be brutal if you need to be. Being disillusioned doesn’t build a business, and even if it did, it wouldn’t be a business that made you happy. I think when you’re being honest, you know deep down whether or not something is right or wrong, whether you’ve given it your best shot, whether you’re being true to yourself and loyal to your goals and values. The biggest achievements come to those who stay determined, focussed, true to themselves and loyal to the product they love – even when people around them don’t get it yet.

Thinking the grass is greener elsewhere, I believe, is the biggest blocker for anyone in this industry. BUT, the beauty of network marketing is that the principles are the same throughout the industry. The skills needed are the same, the model for growth is industry wide, the role models in the industry all have very similar qualities and a genuine desire to help people grow, irrelevant of the company they work with. So the single most important decision is choosing the product and people that resonate with you and will help you grow into the business owner that you need to be*. And that decision needs to be made up front. If you move from product to product and don’t stay long enough in one place, is it really so wrong that it might be construed that you’re not all that serious?

It’s not meant to be easy building a business. It takes commitment and hard work. It takes passion and longevity. It takes honesty and integrity. It’s takes loyalty. And it takes patience. I could go on! But I fear I’m bordering on ranting (sorry). The point is, there is a place for every one of us, if we just stay true to that spark that brought us here.

Champion your product. And you’ll champion our industry.

Laters lovelies 😘

*Ok, in reality it’s two decisions that just happen to be equally important!

Is average ok?

As is always the way with my blogs, I’ll often read something that sparks a whole array of different related thoughts. This one is no different. I’ve recently found my love of reading again and my genre of choice is mindset. I’m personally finding that other people’s positivity and strong mindsets are an excellent medicine for anxiety. Their brilliance is infectious (I hope!) This is what got me this time:

Average. The best of the worst and the worst of the best.

My initial reaction was quite strong. The idea of being the best of a bad bunch made me cringe if I’m honest. But then the thought of being in the shadows of the very best felt really demotivating! But as I let it sink in, it started to feel subtly different and not quite as simple and clear cut as the gut reaction. So is it ok to be average?

Well first of all, what even is average? We all have a unique perspective of the world and one persons average might be another persons best or vice versa. It’s a perception is it not? So is the question not really whether your striving for your own personal best or not?

And then there’s priorities to consider. With so many balls to juggle in our lives it surely can’t be possible to be the best at everything we do. Is it not ok to be average at some things as a means to an end? You know, do what you need to do to get something done without killing yourself in the process. Me as a runner is a good example of this. I use the term runner loosely… I am perfectly happy being an average plodder as it’s not a priority for me to be the best. But when I unpick it a bit, it does serve a purpose in helping me be the best at something else. It helps me the best overall me by lifting my mood and keeping me healthier. Which in turn helps me be the best mum I can be.

Then there’s the pressure side of things. Is not allowing average a huge weight we’re putting upon ourselves? Well it depends I guess. What are the benchmarks you’re setting which equal best? Personally, I think you should only ever bench mark yourself. Be your only competitor. Where was I? Where am I now? Where do I want to be? What do I need to do to get there? That’s not to say you shouldn’t take inspiration from others, learn from them. Just don’t compare and compete and put pressure on yourself to be something or someone you’re not.

So I guess, as with everything in life, I think as long as there’s balance, there really is no right or wrong when it comes to the label average. I think it’s about prioritising, doing yourself justice and making sure you’re always striving for better in the things that are important to you. To be the best at anything you do have to step outside your comfort zone and challenge yourself. And you’ll also probably have to accept that your efforts in one thing may take away from your efforts in something else. You may end up wearing that average t-shirt for a short time in the pursuit of being better where it matters. And you know what, that’s ok.

I’ll end with my final thought on this one – if you constantly strive to be better, I don’t think you’ll ever be average anyway.

Here’s to being the best version of you.

Laters lovelies 💪🏼

Thank you ❤️

Just a short one today. So last week I posted well out of my comfort zone about fear and anxiety. If I’m completely honest, it probably wouldn’t have seen the light of day had I not been in that place. Admitting to yourself it’s time to fight once and for all is hard. Admitting to everyone makes you accountable and committed to do it!

I’m not going to pretend it’s been plain sailing since I put it out there. It hasn’t at all. The thing about anxiety is it’s a very lonely place. But I am grateful I faced the fear and said it out loud anyway. Why? Because actually, this time, it hasn’t been quite so lonely. I’ve had the most wonderful support. Kind words, generosity from people that has been so needed and appreciated. Understanding from people who have and are fighting the same battle.

So why post today? Really for 2 reasons. Firstly to thank those that have rallied around me. You will never know how grateful I am. But please know I love you for making me realise I’m really not alone. Secondly, perhaps even more importantly, to say please don’t ever suffer in silence. Reach out to those that love and care for you… I guarantee, they will want to help you and they will surprise you with the extent they’ll go to to make sure you’re ok ❤️

I’m not out of the woods yet… but I am sure now: I’m not on my own; I can win the fight; and provided I start being kinder to myself, there’s no way I can’t win. It’s ok not to be ok. We all have our demons and true strength comes from seeing them, accepting them and getting in that ring to fight them.

Boxing gloves at the ready! 💪🏼

Laters lovelies 💞

Is fear holding you back?

Fear is a pain. I have to hold my hands up and admit that fear has held me back many times, it’s thrown me into a mindset of indecision and it’s triggered anxiety.

It’s a tough one to overcome, in fact it’s just as hard to actually admit you’ve fallen in to the fear trap. I’m only at the start of the journey of breaking free so I’m not going to pretend I have all the answers. But I’d like to think I do have some real experience that might just make it a teeny bit easier for someone else in the same sinking ship though! I am making progress so I thought why not share the steps I’ve taken so far to start to beat the demon of fear.

So how has it held me back? Well the very process of fearing something is in itself is a distraction from actually doing anything. So much time is spent stressing about what might happen, why it’s so scary, why it’s justified to be something you can’t do, that you run out of time to even take the tiny steps needed to overcome it. It’s all very well analysing a situation, but if you don’t come up with an action plan to move on, then you just end up staying in exactly the same place with an even stronger fear than you started with.

It can spiral in to a worse place though. Have you ever found yourself with a sudden inability to make decisions? 🙋‍♀️ Yep, that’ll be me again! I really hate that feeling… I like a plan, I like to follow steps and tick them off, I like to know what I’m doing. Perhaps I’m a control freak? Either way, when I genuinely can’t make a decision it makes my mind almost manic and feeds the fear even more. Which leads me to the darkest place that fear can take me…

Anxiety. The irony here is that the anxiety is triggered by fear of feeling the fear. Bonkers right? The darkest place is only there because I open the door to it. You’d think that would be enough to shut it down wouldn’t you? Apparently not. The mind is a powerful thing after all. Anxiety can vary from being on edge and just not functioning to full capacity to full blind panic where basic functionality just disappears. I think you’ll agree, it’s a place to be avoided wherever possible!

Now let’s be clear here, I haven’t avoided the dark place just yet. I did say I don’t have all the answers. But where have I got to? I get there less often. And if I do end up there it’s not quite as dark – it’s like there’s a little window with some light coming in that gives me some inner strength to drag myself out again, or at least ask for help to pull me out. Ok it’s still not nice, but at least I get in and get out ASAP.

To try to articulate some of the things I do now, I want to use this blog as an example. The fear of pressing that publish button is very real and is exactly why it’s been a while. I love writing and have too many draft blogs to count. But actually putting them out there for other people to read… well that’s a different kettle of fish! Writing for me is only enjoyable when it’s from the heart – fiction isn’t my skill set and I can only find my voice when it’s something I feel. So the fear really comes from knowing that I’m putting real life me out there when I press that publish button. Im not sure I’ll ever be fearless! So instead I’ve used that fear to come up with a checklist. If all boxes are ticked… I feel the fear and publish anyway. If they’re not, I park it as a draft to revisit another day. It takes away that inability to make decisions as I’ve already pre set the criteria. And of course I like a list, so the checklist itself ticks the box and keeps the anxiety at bay 👍🏻

Here’s the list:

1. Is it real? I have a tendency to brain dump so that can mean if I’m particularly emotional about something that’s happened, over exaggeration can happen. That’s not to say that’s wrong from a personal perspective. It’s often helpful to read back how I felt at a particular moment in time. But an engineered perception in my head, driven by strong emotions to a situation isn’t helpful or useful in the real world.

2. Would anyone be hurt by it? I write about real situations and experiences so inevitably sometimes other people will be part of it. While I never name anyone, I think we all know if we were reading a friends blog and we were in it, name or not we’d recognise ourselves. So if it could be hurtful, embarrassing or uncomfortable for anyone, it stays a draft.

3. Would I tell my family? Somethings are meant to be personal and kept to yourself! So I find it helpful to imagine my mum or dad reading it. Don’t think I need to say anymore about that!

4. What’s the impact of people knowing this about me? This is my hardest one to assess as it does link directly to the fear. So I have to be brutal with myself here. In this very blog for example I’m assessing as I write… I’ve put it out there that I suffer from anxiety. (Skipping the brain dump assessment bit and going straight to my conclusion!) But I know lots of us do, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and we should be more open about mental health.

I’ve used this blog to try and explain my steps but I’m applying the checklist rule to lots of areas, not just writing. Sure the criteria will be different depending on the scenario. But it’s a good way to identify what you’re actually scared of in any given situation. I’m going to leave it there but wanted to end on another short experience that actually inspired me to think about this whole subject.

My little girl recently broke her arm in the park. 100 times she’d been on the zip wire and adored the excitement every time. Then on the 101st time it didn’t go to plan. We went to the park the next day, plaster and all and she went straight to the zip wire! Now obviously I had to step in, she was still in plaster! But whether it was consciously or not, when she walked back into that park she made a choice. She could either choose to be scared of the zip wire and play differently. Play cautiously. Or she could make the choice she did. Carry on exactly as she was. Not let fear get the better of her. As soon as the plaster was off, she ran straight to the zip wire 💪🏼 I will absolutely be encouraging her spirit, determination, tenacity and ability to face the fear regardless.

This is a little girl.

She faces her fears so she can keep living her life and having fun.

Be like that little girl.

Laters lovelies ❤️❤️

Chasing rainbows? 

Do you ever feel like you’re on your own with your vision? Like people think you’re crazy for following your dreams? They’re convinced it’ll never work and somehow think it’s helpful to you to be ‘realistic’ and share their view of how you’re just chasing rainbows? Well you know what, I’m challenging that! It’s not realism, it’s someone else’s baggage and if we’re ever going to make it in the world of business then we need to grow a thicker skin and rise above the negatives! 

Now let me be clear, this isn’t an attack on ‘non believers’. I’m absolutely sure that, for the most part, these are people that love and care for us and do genuinely want the best for us. But you have to accept they simply don’t see your vision… so the onus is on us not to be distracted by what others simple can’t see. Remember, you never know their world either. Maybe it’s an industry they don’t understand. Maybe they’ve been in it and it wasn’t for them. Maybe they saw someone else struggle. Maybe they’ve read something somewhere which doesn’t paint a true picture. All maybes but there will be something, because I’m pretty sure it’s not because they don’t believe in you. 

Just another perspective to throw into the mix, why not! Now here’s a thought. We’re not programmed to break through conformity. We are all more comfortable if we’re (on the whole) following the norm. At least we’re not questioned on the norm right? It won’t surprise you (I’m  sure 😉) to know that I haven’t always followed the norm. For example, I’ve made choices for my kids that were against the conventional. I had some backlash. All that did was make me learn more, reinforce and evidence my research and make me more confident I have made the right choices. So why not apply that same logic to our business? 

When something is important (seeing as I’ve mentioned kids, let’s stick with that), it matters and we’ll defend it to the death! We find whatever time is needed to nurture, to build, to be there, to battle through whatever battle we need to. There are no negotiations. We just do. And that is the principle we should live by with everything important! A business will not build itself just as our kids wouldn’t have the resources to fend for themselves, without us there. Time is needed. Patience is needed. Mistakes are essential – how else would we learn? But most importantly of all, your heart is required. In my opinion, if your heart isn’t in it, it’s not important enough. 

So what is the point of this blog? Why have I written this, tangent and all? Well if I’m brutally honest, it’s for me. I like to write as it keeps in check the madness that is my mind! But I hope it might just give someone else that reassurance too. You see what we’re doing isn’t a pipe dream. It’s a business that we’re building around all other kinds of commitments. Don’t underestimate how special that makes you. It’s a business that will take some time and effort to grow. And if some people think that’s chasing rainbows… well that’s fine by me! So let it be fine by you too! Because every single day I meet someone else who also wants to follow their dreams. And I will make damn sure I’m that rainbow, that sparkle, that positive energy that reminds them it’s ok to have a dream. It’s ok to be that rainbow 🌈 ❤️